There are a few things that I’m pretty afraid of. Marriage, revolving doors, and death by an intruder are up there at the top of the list, but a close runner up is the fear that I’ll become an insomniac.
I love sleeping of all kind (going to bed early, sleeping in, cat naps, power naps, napping at lunch time, napping at night before going out late, etc.) and I’m miserable when I don’t do enough of it. The idea that I might have the opportunity and desire to sleep but simply not be able to is for some reason horrifying. (watching the insomnia scenes in Fight Club is painful)
So the fact that for the past month or so I’ve had only 1-2 nights of good uninterrupted sleep is a little worrisome.
Here’s a list of absolutely true things that have kept me awake or woken me in the middle of the night, from the past 30 days. Let me know what you think. I've only got 22, probably because I left out the best ones ;)
1. Contacts were in plastic cups next to the bed and I was afraid I’d knock them over and be blinded and useless
2. Cell phone was dead and there were no other clocks, so I was afraid of oversleeping
3. Suddenly terrified of becoming a “bad person”
4. Good book
5. School
6. Work
7. Working while in school
8. Simply too drunk to sleep well
9. Number 8 again, a few times
10. Moving to NY
11. Leaving Denver (slight permutation on 10)
12. Sharing bed with snorer
13. Sharing bed with blanket hog
14. Sharing bed with unintentional spooner (Lindsay, I’m calling you out on this one)
15. No bed at all
16. Afraid of falling in love
17. Afraid of not falling in love
18. Too hot
19. Too cold
20. Thunderstorm
21. Cats using bed to stage ultimate feline fighting championship
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10 comments:
I like this post a lot, and I speak as someone who suffers from insomnia, albeit low grade. Mine certainly stems from 'stuff on my mind' but I also have this thing where I hate to miss out on anything. When I was a kid, I had to go to bed before my two brothers, and always wondered what HAPPENED after bedtime. To this day, I generally like to be the last person up.
I would add a couple other things that keep me up.
- it's a time I get to be alone
- midnight snack, though often at 3am
- death in general
- just not tired
- too tired
- crazy fucking sick all week and have a fever and nineteen thousand tons of snot in my head and it drives me crazy and i wake up every ten minutes to blow my nose and go pee
whew.
I also think you made the list, did the post, and then erased something. You say 'I've only got 22', but then list 21, one of which is a double. Sneaky.....
Agreed. Great post, as usual.
I like your list, too. It's very sweet. And, I would that you shouldn't worry about insomnia with at least numbers 4, 8, 9, 12-15, and 18-21. Those are totally legit external circumstances for which you can't be blamed. :)
All summer I've been making myself tired enough that sleep hasn't been an issue, as anyone who's hung out w/ me in the back yard can attest. However, now that Code for Change is over, I do find myself staying up way too late sort of doing nothing. But I feel way too restless to go to bed. It's a similar thing to what Dan describes. I don't want to miss anything.
Also, tonight I'm sad that we're all so spread out across the country. I want some Dan, Crystal, and Wes lovin... I miss you guys.
the most sinister on your list, i think, is #2. it is at least always the one that defeats its own purpose time and again for me - the idea that if you fall asleep now you'll have too much sleep and ruin all your plans, so the smart thing to do is just stay up. this never ever ever works, but always seems like a brilliant plan.
Yes Yes Yes Yes. You are all absolutely correct. Yes, I definitely deleted a couple, we're all better off, trust me. And Yes, Wes is right that I'm confusing insomnia with just shitty sleep, to be clear my big fear is the former, and most of what I've been experiencing is the latter, it's still an uncomfortable reminder of the possibility though. And yes, #2 is certainly one of the more painful ones (at least by certain measures of pain). And finally, YES, I too am sad we're spread out all over.
Crystal - it's funny that your comment sounds (inasmuch as a blog comment can 'sound') frustrated.
Hope your studying went/is going well , and you have an excellent week in your new home!
there is a decent song by m. ward called four hours in washington about not getting to sleep. and being pissed about it and then when time has passed you're pissed that it's not earlier in the night. pissiness prevents somnitude.
i can rarely sleep when i urgently need it.
things that push me into sleep:
-reading before bed
-cleaning before bed
-pansy-grade yoga before bed
-instrumental music
-sex
i just realized how lifetime tv i am.
I got really bad insomnia my senior year of college. My trick was to keep a copy of Moby Dick and The Bible next to my bed, and to read either the "Cetology" chapter from MD or any of the Bible that wasn't the four main gospels. That almost always works for me.
Oh, and sorry for running away online earlier...I saw something shiny in the woods.
yah! I'm so happy, all my blog friends together on one comment page!
Boys, meet Emily. Careful what you give away here, Ems is a bona-fide real life writer people pay good money for, so she's apt to steal your best work. Emily, meet the boys. Careful what you give away here, they are apt to collectively steal your heart.
:)
thank you crystal. and please, bring your friends to dc. i don't feel like i know anyone until i've made them laugh really hard doing something embarrassing...
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