Sunday, September 30, 2007
Thursday, September 20, 2007
crystal's feeling touchy
So I’ve indirectly been the subject of some criticism lately. It comes from a close friend so aside from being particularly prickly, it also, I think, merits some attention. So, I’m broaching the subject here for you loyal few to solicit your honest thoughts. (And no, this isn’t just an attempt to move onto my “turf” in hopes of garnering support. It’s a sincere attempt at dialogue).
For those too lazy to click the link, Emily is essentially saying that if one has a blog, it should be uncensored, raw, and not based on what other people (bosses, lovers, etc) might think of it. Otherwise the blog, and I guess the author by extension, risks becoming pointless and dull.
In her (rather direct) words:
So many people have mentioned to me lately that they -have to be- exquisitely careful about what they blog about these days. Their sister or boss or former troop leader or unknown future crush might - whoa there - read it and think new thoughts about the author. Author might then cry into his soup about the newly visible depth in his personality.
Blogs that began kind of interesting and poked at touchy ideas and spoke from the heart become reduced to some kind of greatest common factor conversation. Water cooler talk, or grossly edited emotion, like when someone wins an Oscar. Topics that are leastly offensive and rarely interesting. Pretty, unfelt phrases. It bothers me.
I gotta admit that stings a little and it’s hard to not take criticism like “grossly edited emotion” and “pretty, unfelt phrases” personally. But, I am certainly guilty of the root complaint here, in fact early on I actually asked Ems to remove a comment because it mentioned the organization I work for.
So the question for you all is, where do we draw the line? Is it advisable or even possible to try to keep different pieces of oneself reserved for different people? Is it just out of fear that we try to quarantine bits of our lives, or is there more at play?
As always, I try to have my cake and eat it too. I think it IS possible to have something interesting to say (though apparently I’ve failed) while not giving away the emotional store, or hurting other people, or risking some sort of professional demotion, informal or formal. There must be some middle ground between “today I had toast for breakfast” and “God, I hope I’m not pregnant. If I am I’m not sure what I’m going to do.”
Anyway, opening up the floor and eagerly awaiting your thoughts.
For those too lazy to click the link, Emily is essentially saying that if one has a blog, it should be uncensored, raw, and not based on what other people (bosses, lovers, etc) might think of it. Otherwise the blog, and I guess the author by extension, risks becoming pointless and dull.
In her (rather direct) words:
So many people have mentioned to me lately that they -have to be- exquisitely careful about what they blog about these days. Their sister or boss or former troop leader or unknown future crush might - whoa there - read it and think new thoughts about the author. Author might then cry into his soup about the newly visible depth in his personality.
Blogs that began kind of interesting and poked at touchy ideas and spoke from the heart become reduced to some kind of greatest common factor conversation. Water cooler talk, or grossly edited emotion, like when someone wins an Oscar. Topics that are leastly offensive and rarely interesting. Pretty, unfelt phrases. It bothers me.
I gotta admit that stings a little and it’s hard to not take criticism like “grossly edited emotion” and “pretty, unfelt phrases” personally. But, I am certainly guilty of the root complaint here, in fact early on I actually asked Ems to remove a comment because it mentioned the organization I work for.
So the question for you all is, where do we draw the line? Is it advisable or even possible to try to keep different pieces of oneself reserved for different people? Is it just out of fear that we try to quarantine bits of our lives, or is there more at play?
As always, I try to have my cake and eat it too. I think it IS possible to have something interesting to say (though apparently I’ve failed) while not giving away the emotional store, or hurting other people, or risking some sort of professional demotion, informal or formal. There must be some middle ground between “today I had toast for breakfast” and “God, I hope I’m not pregnant. If I am I’m not sure what I’m going to do.”
Anyway, opening up the floor and eagerly awaiting your thoughts.
Monday, September 17, 2007
The elevator is painfully slow (think Winter street office in Boston, or Temple Place) and I work on the 10th floor. Today I shared it with a grey, tired looking man. Together we watched the digital numbers and silently counted along 2...3...4... Finally the display showed 8 and the elevator gave a bright *ding!* and groaned to a stop. The man readied himself to exit and whispered, softly, prayer-like, “Take care”.
There was a pause before the doors opened. Too long. And suddenly the man was embarrassed. He shuffled his feet, looked side to side, then, as soon as he was able, darted out without looking back.
There was a pause before the doors opened. Too long. And suddenly the man was embarrassed. He shuffled his feet, looked side to side, then, as soon as he was able, darted out without looking back.
Sunday, September 16, 2007
Dear Denver,
I'm not sure how to say this, but I think it might be best for us to have an open relationship for a while. I still love you and I think we have a great future together; no other city has dive bars like you do (I still have my first chip from the Park Tavern), I'll always remember my first trip on the 16th street mall shuttle and getting snowed in twice in one winter (hooray hot chocolate and snowmen in the park!). You're a beautiful and amazing city Denver, and I haven't even started talking about your people yet (definitely one of your best assets).
But (and I think it's better that you hear this from me), I've met another city. New York. I never expected this to happen. Like I said, there's no city like you, Denver. But New York, with its street fairs and block parties and concerts and literary festivals and all night transportation, well, to be honest it's pretty sexy and it's confusing me a little. And it's all happening so fast. It's probably just that it's so new and exciting, and eventually I'll realize what a terrible mistake I'm making. But for now, would it be okay if we took a little break?
This will be good for us I think, it will help us grow and appreciate each other more. And, well, I know Boulder's been looking cute lately and has always had a thing for you Denver, maybe you should spread your wild oats a bit too?
Don't take this the wrong way, you're still the number one city in my book, and I hope you won't mind if I still come visit. Let's just try this new thing out for awhile and see how it goes.
Big Hug!
Crystal
I'm not sure how to say this, but I think it might be best for us to have an open relationship for a while. I still love you and I think we have a great future together; no other city has dive bars like you do (I still have my first chip from the Park Tavern), I'll always remember my first trip on the 16th street mall shuttle and getting snowed in twice in one winter (hooray hot chocolate and snowmen in the park!). You're a beautiful and amazing city Denver, and I haven't even started talking about your people yet (definitely one of your best assets).
But (and I think it's better that you hear this from me), I've met another city. New York. I never expected this to happen. Like I said, there's no city like you, Denver. But New York, with its street fairs and block parties and concerts and literary festivals and all night transportation, well, to be honest it's pretty sexy and it's confusing me a little. And it's all happening so fast. It's probably just that it's so new and exciting, and eventually I'll realize what a terrible mistake I'm making. But for now, would it be okay if we took a little break?
This will be good for us I think, it will help us grow and appreciate each other more. And, well, I know Boulder's been looking cute lately and has always had a thing for you Denver, maybe you should spread your wild oats a bit too?
Don't take this the wrong way, you're still the number one city in my book, and I hope you won't mind if I still come visit. Let's just try this new thing out for awhile and see how it goes.
Big Hug!
Crystal
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
My cheap $197.50 weekend
The plan this weekend was to save money and start living like the starving student I now am. I had an amazing plan, stay in Friday night, bypass the Modest Mouse show in favor of the free Brooklyn Block Party featuring Talib Kweli, then a free "interpretive dance" performance on Sunday and watching the VMAs on Sunday night. ALL FREE SHIT, right? WRONG. Here's how I spent $197.50 in two days.
Saturday-Decided to spend the morning studying at my favorite coffee shop (I just read a review of it that said "every time I come to the Outpost I see someone famous, like M.I.A. , who lives in the neighborhood". Seriously? M.I.A? That rules!) which also meant spending $15 on two iced coffees plus breakfast and lunch (stupid stupid, and never saw anyone famous). Next came $12.50 on cleaning shit for the apartment so my roommate doesn't start to hate me. Next came $5 on a dress that I bought in a panic after being invited to a fancy fashion designer party (yeah, $5, and that's rounding up. I love my neighborhood).
Next stop, block party! Here I was pretty good (hard to spend too much at a free block party) UNTIL we got bored waiting for Talib Kweli. (local acts came first, including the all white reggae band and the woman who kept infusing her songs with public service announcements like 'remember to fill out your w2s!' and 'teach your kids to spell!') so I spent $27 at the bar next to the park. (hey, guys, I'll get this round!)
Next stop, swanky party. Yeah! Also free, right? WRONG! In order to impress the guy who called me Melissa all night the last time I met him, I decided the nice thing to do would be to bring him a $30 bottle of vodka (his birthday after all), which I mostly drank myself because I felt so weirdly out of place at the party (and he still didn't remember my name). Also, did not wear the $5 dress, which may have been a mistake. Also, according to the receipts and a vague memory of eating potato chips on the train, I bought some food after the party ($9).
Sunday-All aboard express train to hangover-ville. Dragged myself out of bed (people are dragged, right? like hanged?) to obligatory hangover brunch ($15) then to hangover movie ($11) and hangover getting-duped-out-of-$7-by-con-artist/fellow-human-in-need/homeless-man. ($7). Then, $20 for new shoes after mine literally fell apart in the west village and I hobbled into the nearest overpriced shoe store and bought the cheapest ones. Then, wine and dessert ($20) to impress my new friend d at her tv watching party. THEN, $20 on a cab home that should have cost $6 because the driver got lost and I was too tired to argue.
Oh yeah, almost forgot the $76 subway pass I bought. Plus a ton of coffee. Which brings us up to the grand total of $197.50
Man, so, the theme is a) I spend money on stupid shit and b) I spend money on stupid stuff trying to impress people. Luckily for you guys, you may be the next person I buy stupid stuff for in order to impress.
Saturday-Decided to spend the morning studying at my favorite coffee shop (I just read a review of it that said "every time I come to the Outpost I see someone famous, like M.I.A. , who lives in the neighborhood". Seriously? M.I.A? That rules!) which also meant spending $15 on two iced coffees plus breakfast and lunch (stupid stupid, and never saw anyone famous). Next came $12.50 on cleaning shit for the apartment so my roommate doesn't start to hate me. Next came $5 on a dress that I bought in a panic after being invited to a fancy fashion designer party (yeah, $5, and that's rounding up. I love my neighborhood).
Next stop, block party! Here I was pretty good (hard to spend too much at a free block party) UNTIL we got bored waiting for Talib Kweli. (local acts came first, including the all white reggae band and the woman who kept infusing her songs with public service announcements like 'remember to fill out your w2s!' and 'teach your kids to spell!') so I spent $27 at the bar next to the park. (hey, guys, I'll get this round!)
Next stop, swanky party. Yeah! Also free, right? WRONG! In order to impress the guy who called me Melissa all night the last time I met him, I decided the nice thing to do would be to bring him a $30 bottle of vodka (his birthday after all), which I mostly drank myself because I felt so weirdly out of place at the party (and he still didn't remember my name). Also, did not wear the $5 dress, which may have been a mistake. Also, according to the receipts and a vague memory of eating potato chips on the train, I bought some food after the party ($9).
Sunday-All aboard express train to hangover-ville. Dragged myself out of bed (people are dragged, right? like hanged?) to obligatory hangover brunch ($15) then to hangover movie ($11) and hangover getting-duped-out-of-$7-by-con-artist/fellow-human-in-need/homeless-man. ($7). Then, $20 for new shoes after mine literally fell apart in the west village and I hobbled into the nearest overpriced shoe store and bought the cheapest ones. Then, wine and dessert ($20) to impress my new friend d at her tv watching party. THEN, $20 on a cab home that should have cost $6 because the driver got lost and I was too tired to argue.
Oh yeah, almost forgot the $76 subway pass I bought. Plus a ton of coffee. Which brings us up to the grand total of $197.50
Man, so, the theme is a) I spend money on stupid shit and b) I spend money on stupid stuff trying to impress people. Luckily for you guys, you may be the next person I buy stupid stuff for in order to impress.
Monday, September 3, 2007
So, despite all your helpful suggestions I was up between 2 and 5 last night with some wild thoughts. The thing about spending two whole days with a friend you can really talk to is that all the thoughts and ideas that have been stuck in your brain, dormant, get knocked about and start moving around and begging to be let out. So anyway, expect some changes I guess, hopefully at least some of these thoughts will materialize into action.
In other news, today marks the end of what I can honestly say is the craziest summer I have ever had. I started in Colorado on Memorial Day, ended in DC on Labor Day, and fell asleep in Arizona, California, Nevada, Nebraska, Illinois, Michigan, Massachusetts, and New York in between (I'm like that scene in fight club where Ed Norton keeps waking up in different cities).
May-Boston, Santa Barbara, New York, Denver. Tried some more to say goodbye to a friend I lost a year ago. Realized that sometimes you need to take care of your parents and not the other way around. Found an apartment in NY. Started to fall in love with the wrong city.
June-Santa Barbara, Phoenix, San Diego, Denver. Reunited with an old friend, united with some new friends, realized sometimes you can't take care of your parents. Road Trip! Water Slides!! Sweet presents in the mail. Crazy stressful work meetings. Minor breakdown in Santa Barbara.
July-Santa Barbara, Denver, VEGAS!, Utah. Where to begin? Road Trip! Craps table at the Riv. More Road Trip! Fully in love with the wrong city. So much more but July in my brain is like looking at the sun too long, it's more of a bright blind spot than something I can possibly describe. Let's move on to August:)
August-Omaha, Michigan, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, New York, Boston, DC. Holy shit August, you gave July a run for its money. Road Trip! Added Illinois to my list of states with ridiculous memories. Opened beer with a knife in Omaha, saw my friends get married and changed my definitions of love and marriage 5 or 6 times. Road Trip! Moved to New York during the first Brooklyn tornado in 150 years. Boston. Blacked out and was mean to my friends. School supplies. DC.
So there's a short list. Cheers to you all who helped make it also one of the most fun summers in memory, aside from just being crazy. Someone needs to start getting a plan together for 2008.
In other news, today marks the end of what I can honestly say is the craziest summer I have ever had. I started in Colorado on Memorial Day, ended in DC on Labor Day, and fell asleep in Arizona, California, Nevada, Nebraska, Illinois, Michigan, Massachusetts, and New York in between (I'm like that scene in fight club where Ed Norton keeps waking up in different cities).
May-Boston, Santa Barbara, New York, Denver. Tried some more to say goodbye to a friend I lost a year ago. Realized that sometimes you need to take care of your parents and not the other way around. Found an apartment in NY. Started to fall in love with the wrong city.
June-Santa Barbara, Phoenix, San Diego, Denver. Reunited with an old friend, united with some new friends, realized sometimes you can't take care of your parents. Road Trip! Water Slides!! Sweet presents in the mail. Crazy stressful work meetings. Minor breakdown in Santa Barbara.
July-Santa Barbara, Denver, VEGAS!, Utah. Where to begin? Road Trip! Craps table at the Riv. More Road Trip! Fully in love with the wrong city. So much more but July in my brain is like looking at the sun too long, it's more of a bright blind spot than something I can possibly describe. Let's move on to August:)
August-Omaha, Michigan, Illinois, Indiana, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New Jersey, New York, Boston, DC. Holy shit August, you gave July a run for its money. Road Trip! Added Illinois to my list of states with ridiculous memories. Opened beer with a knife in Omaha, saw my friends get married and changed my definitions of love and marriage 5 or 6 times. Road Trip! Moved to New York during the first Brooklyn tornado in 150 years. Boston. Blacked out and was mean to my friends. School supplies. DC.
So there's a short list. Cheers to you all who helped make it also one of the most fun summers in memory, aside from just being crazy. Someone needs to start getting a plan together for 2008.
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