Some of you have had the great privilege of hanging out in my neighborhood, but for those who haven’t been so lucky, here is a little glimpse into life in the 11216.
Today as I was walking to the subway I saw a great chair sitting on the curb next to a bag of trash. It was small and cute and wooden and sturdy and I NEED a chair (and we need about 13 chairs for next weekends “Flavors of Fall” feast). So, I grabbed it and started walking back to my house.
Just when I was about to get my prize home, here’s what happened-
Man (visibly wobbling a bit and slurring his words, sorta saunters over to me): Hey! That’s MY chair!
Me: What? No, this was just sitting on the curb by the trash. (Remember this is a NICE chair and I NEED a chair!)
Man: No! That’s MY CHAIR. ASDFJASDFFF (something I couldn’t understand)
Me: Oh. You mean, you were planning to take it? (figuring at this point I might as well give it up if he had his eye on it first)
Man: Ticket?? I don’t got no Ticket! There’s no TICKET?!
Me: Uh. TAKE IT. Were you going to TAKE the CHAIR?
Woman (comes over from the stoop she was sitting on and starts yelling at me): JUST TAKE THE CHAIR! TAKE THE CHAIR. TAKE. THE. CHAIR.
Woman (yelling at the man): GIVE HER THE CHAIR. That ain’t your CHAIR! That AIN’T your CHAIR!
Woman (continuing to yell at me): TAKE THE CHAIR TAKE THE CHAIR!!!
Me: (grabbing the chair, running into apartment) Uh. Thanks!
Man (yelling after me): Don’t say black people never did nothing for you!!
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